Monday, March 12

fat to fit...here's my story!

these days, i'm bobbing between 158 and 160, but everything is definitely smoother and slimmer. it's so cool to fit into college jeans. as a matter of fact, my college jeans are loose. that's pretty crazy and super cool. i'm getting compliments which feels awesome! used to be, if someone asked if i'd lost weight, i'd totally be offended, even if i had. how dare someone notice that i had weight to spare and actually spared it. now, i'm proud to say that my ass is smaller. and, i'm quick to let them know that i work hard for it. i definitely have a positive attitude this time around. before, dieting was war between me and myself.

thinking back, i've never been a thin girl. my lightest weight was about 140 and i'm 5'6", so that's not too tiny. my weight started to go up around 2007. that was not my best year. i was pretty active before that. i ran 5 miles about 3 days a week and weight trained. i was militant about what i ate. until one day, i decided i wasn't going to run, and i never ran again. day by day, i began eating worse and worse. then, i woke up one morning and undressed to take a shower. i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and in an instant my throat closed up, my heart dropped into my stomach, and eyes filled with tears. i couldn't believe the person staring back at me was me. i didn't know what hurt worse...that i looked so bad or that i felt so sad.

i was pretty big. i'm gonna show you some picture not even my husband has seen!




and i loved to eat!



and here's a full body shot...i can't believe i'm showing you this.



that's my beautiful mom!

i knew it was time to make some serious changes.

i began walking around the block and within a couple months i was jogging again...2 whole miles! eating a healthier diet followed with ease. with a new outlook and an active lifestyle, i knew 11oz ribeyes topped with herb compound butter, truffled potatoes, and gruyere brioche was not a dinner appropriate for typical weeknight, much less every night. so, i followed my dad's advice, "sneak a salad in now and then." this coming from the man that gave me jack in the box or captain d's as my options for breakfast...when i was 4 years old. i was a chubby kid...who am i kidding, i was fat, cute, but fat.

at any rate, i lost about 40 pounds in the next year. at 170, i felt amazing! i was on a roll.


and then, life decides to happen...even if you're not ready for it.

march 2009, my baby sister got sick, very sick. and for the next four months, i was traveling to and from Singapore to be with her and my family. needless to say, healthy food and exercise were not my top priority. my days were spent next to her hospital bed, holding her hand, singing to her...hoping she knew i was by her side. it was heartbreaking to see her in such a fragile state, knowing i had just spent an incredible month with her over the holidays.

in may, we flew her to Texas Children's Hospital. but, she was just too weak. a month later, she died...a month shy of her 18th birthday.



the month my sister became ill, i met my husband. briefly at a Spoon concert, i'll add. the next time i saw him was in june...a few weeks before my sister passed. i don't know what it was, but i felt so good around during such a bad time. and, he graciously allowed me to take over his life. at a time when i could have fallen apart into a buzzillion pieces, he managed to make me smile...by watching tv til 2am, taking me to the movies, spending time with my family, and not to mention the countless nights of countless tequila shots...all while being an amazing friend. most guys would have dodged me, my drama, and my big ass. but not him!

i was looking at pictures of us when we first met. and, it surprises me that he stuck around. not only was i dealing with an incredible loss, but i was fat...again! 185 pounds did not suit me well. it amazes me that he even wanted to hang out with me.


although, he did once date a girl with one eye. no, seriously, he dated a girl with one eye. well, it was only a few dates, but still...one eye! he says she was cute and nice, so he didn't want to judge her.. he is such a sweetheart, right? she turned out to be a little kookoo. but, he totally would have dated her...one eye and all.

i guess i must have looked better than she did! i guess meaty melissa gets more points than one-eyed wendy.

the point is i have story behind my weight-gain. and, it's goes way back. i wasn't just fat to be fat. i was happy, i was lonely, i was sad...i was living life's ups and downs. and putting lots warm, delicious food in my belly made me feel good.

i never thought i would ever show those pictures of myself. i didn't understand how someone could show the "before" pictures. but, now i get it. once you're honest with yourself about eating habits and you decide to make healthy changes, you drop the shame, and the weight is lifted off your shoulders, figuratively, and with time, literally!

i didn't like looking at those pictures, because it reminded of how bad i felt about myself, how unhappy i was, and all things i wanted to change in my life but couldn't. when change your lifestyle and loose the weight you've been carrying all this time, you realize the person in the picture is YOU (not some horrible person), and you deserve to love yourself...then and now.

the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

hi, my name is melissa, and i'm an addict...a food addict, that it. i want to eat everything! i knew i hit rock bottom when i found myself in a ditch covered in bavarian cream with chocolate under my nails, and empty candy wrappers all around. okay, i'm kidding, but you get the point.

i think you've got to treat weight issues like any other addiction. of course, you can't stop eating. DON'T stop eating. but, you can stop eating foods that make you fat. i mean it, put down that panni! don't chomp on that chocolate eclair! quit sipping that soda!

now, think...how did you get fat? what did you go through that made you treat your body that way? and, more importantly, how are you going to change that?

instead of filling my life up with food, i'm filling it up with sunshine and smiles. seriously, i'm not saying my life is perfect. but, i have taken control. and, i've made a promise to MYSELF. i'm gonna live a healthy and active life.

i've cut sugar and processed foods. until i reach my fitness goal, i'll keep track of my food via My Fitness Pal. i'll also have accountability, by keeping you in the loop. so, check out delicious body for my fitness tips, workouts, and diet. losing weight and keeping it off is not easy for most of us, but it's totally worth the effort. i feel vibrant, energetic, confident, and strong!

wearing a swimsuit on the beach and knowing i look good...well, that's just a perk!



do you have fit goals? do you have tips on how to keep fit? we'd love to hear from you!

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3 comments:

  1. totally love this blog! I can relate! When i was going through things right when we reconnected, I was at 186 pounds and then i lost 20 went down to 163 and now back up to 168. I love food too and know that it starts with me and the choices I make. I have decided to make a change too but maybe i can get some tips on food choices etc. Love this melissa. Love this blog in general!
    miss you
    ana

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  2. Sad to hear about your sister, but glad to hear about you :)
    What's that tattoo you have? I love tattoos -the bigger the better is my motto, and yours definitely looks decent! Do you have any pictures of it in your blog?

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  3. Oh, wow. Tough times have befallen many of us, and it behooves each of us to encourage our fellow recipients of said tough times. After all, we're all only human and every bit as fallible as the next person.
    Your husband is a fine human being to not only see your physical beauty, Melissa. He obviously recognizes your inward beauty and places value on what is most important. A good man encourages a good wife, as my wife and I do for one another, and a good wife encourages a good husband.
    Keep up the great work and be encourage by those of us whom have had similar life experiences and struggles we have had to overcome.

    ReplyDelete

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