my fit journey

the journey

i don't fit into my college jeans anymore. admittedly, i still have a few i can't bare to let go. why is that? i have managed to let go of the idea of fitting back into them. progress! these days, i'm more about enjoying the everyday. and food, well, it's always going to bring me joy.

if you've followed by blog from it's beginnings, you'll remember i was once driven by the numbers on the scale. weight-loss was my end goal. i did lose weight, and i did feel great. i was getting a lot of attention. i began eating up compliments. it feels awesome when you reach your goals, and someone notices your hard work. used to be, if someone asked if i'd lost weight, i'd totally be offended, even if i had. how dare someone notice that i had weight to spare and actually spared it. this blog was a way for me to to accountable to myself and to be proud of my weight-loss. a paleo diet, consistent weight-lifting, and running helped me shed pounds. my life revolved around my fitness routine. i was fast, strong, and lean.

after a 4 year blogging hiatus, i'm returning with a new outlook, new goals, and new found self-love.

thinking back

weight-loss was always a war between me and myself. i've never been a thin girl. when i was in hight-school, i was my lightest at about 140 pounds and i'm 5'6". i got that low on a strict meal prep diet of 900 calories. my weight really started to go up in my early twenties when i was out of college and working. i was pretty active before that. i ran 5 miles about 3 days a week and weight-lifted. i was militant about what i ate. until one day, i decided i wasn't going to run, and i never ran again. day by day, i began eating worse and worse. then, i woke up one morning and undressed to take a shower. i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and in an instant my throat closed up, my heart dropped into my stomach, and eyes filled with tears. i couldn't believe the person staring back at me was me. i didn't know what hurt worse...that i looked so bad or that i felt so sad.

that's me in Singapore!

that's me eating pepper crab!

here's me and my beautiful Mom!

i knew it was time to make some serious changes. i wasn't healthy. 

i began walking around the block and within a couple months i was jogging again...2 whole miles! eating a healthier diet followed with ease. with a new outlook and an active lifestyle, i knew 11oz ribeyes topped with herb compound butter, truffled potatoes, and gruyere brioche was not a dinner appropriate for typical weeknight, much less every night. so, i followed my dad's advice, "sneak a salad in now and then." this coming from the man that gave me jack-in -he box or captain d's as my options for breakfast...when i was 4 years old. i was a chubby kid, cute, but chubby.

at any rate, i lost about 40 pounds in the next year. at 170, i felt amazing! i was on a roll.

and then, life decides to happen...even if you're not ready for it.

march 2009, my baby sister got sick, very sick. and for the next four months, i was traveling to and from Singapore to be with her and my family. needless to say, healthy food and exercise were not my top priority. my days were spent next to her hospital bed, holding her hand, singing to her...hoping she knew i was by her side. it was heartbreaking to see her in such a fragile state, knowing i had just spent an incredible month with her over the holidays.

in may, we flew her to Texas Children's Hospital. but, she was just too weak. a month later, she died...a month shy of her 18th birthday.

the month my sister became ill, i met my husband at a Spoon concert. the next time i saw him was in june...a few weeks before my sister died. i don't know what it was, but i felt so good with him during such a bad time. and, he graciously allowed me to consume his life. at a time when i could have fallen apart into a buzzillion pieces, he managed to make me smile...by watching tv til 2am, taking me to the movies, spending time with my family, and not to mention the countless nights of countless tequila shots...all while being an amazing friend. most guys would have dodged me, my family drama, and my big ass. but not him!

the point is i have story behind my weight issues. and, it's goes way back. i wasn't happy, i was lonely, i was sad...i was living life's ups and downs. and putting lots of warm, delicious food in my belly made me feel good.

i used to hate looking at those pictures, because it reminded of how bad i felt about myself, how unhappy i was, and all things i wanted to change in my life but couldn't. now, when i look at those pictures, i see ME. i realize that i deserve to love myself...then and now.

fast forward a few years...i had become a lean, green, machine!

i cut sugar and processed foods. i kept track of my food via My Fitness Pal. losing weight and keeping it off is not easy for most of us. for me, it was a life consuming task. i can attribute my results to a mostly paleo lifestyle with a few keto diets sprinkled in there and crossfit-ish workouts. it worked. i looked amazing. i felt amazing. but, then i got pregnant and was super sick for my whole pregnancy. that's the main reason i stopped blogging. then, all of a sudden, i had two kids and my head spun for four years. i'm just now stepping off what felt like a merry-go-round of motherhood. 

now, my goals are just different. i used to list all of my diets, workout routines, and meal plans here. it's all gone...deleted! it's just not about that anymore. i've got curves! i don't feel the need to banish them. i want to enhance them!

eat healthy, workout 3 days a week, drink water, take vitamins, and stay chill...goals!

i still love strength training and HIIT (like tabata). they have proven to be best for me.

do you have a fit journey? i'd love to hear from you!