Sunday, December 11

pie shops and strip clubs

i'm a pretty a cool chick. i'm a pretty cool wife, too!

but...there's something i'm not so cool with. i'm not down with strip clubs.

could i hang off a pole upside down and shake my ass. heck no. i don't have the agility or the strength. but more importantly, i don't have that body. i'm pretty damn hott, but, seriously, i don't look like those girls...most of them anyway. we've all heard of one-armed betty down at texas' sugars.

but, really, the idea of the man i love walking into a place like that makes me see seethe! men everywhere will hate me for this one! have you ever been in a strip club? i don't recommend it. trust me when i say, it's as bad, no, worse than you imagine. i don't care if it's "just a bachelor party".

the things they do, and the way they do it. you could call it lewd and immoral. truth is, i'm a little jealous of those sultry, seductive moves, and the way they make a boy go crazy. look, i don't hate them. it's a job. i get it. that really is someone's daughter. and the choices she made to get where she is...i think if she could do it again, she might do it differently. not that all strippers are sad, destitute victims. those successful, happy, college-educated ones that made all the right choices...well, good for them.

it's the double standard that gets me. i won't use the chippendale's analogy...greasy, juice heads in banana hammocks don't do it for me. women are wired differently. going from zero to naked is gross.

so, let's say i walk into a bar with some girlfriends on a girls night out, and a guy, totally my type, walks over to me and strikes up a conversation. i should, as a married woman, politely walk away. now, if i were to entertain such a conversation and find that we have so much in common, i'm sure my husband would be pissed. but, what if i ended up dancing with this guy? it'd be wrong and i'd be in trouble, if i came clean, of course. even though, my intention was not meet a handsome guy and all we did was dance. but here's the kicker, if he goes to a strip club, he is choosing to walk into that situation with the intention of spending his evening with flirtatious naked girls caressing his hair and tugging on his shirt.

and you know, i've never really been in a situation with the same of temptation. until now!

the other day, after hours of shopping, which can wear a girl out, i walked by the most adorable pie shop. it was so freakin' cute with it's vintage touches and pastel perfections. through the window, i could see the countless confections. 

the door swung open and the sweet, heavenly, mouthwatering smells that escaped were oh so alluring. they drew me in. i knew i shouldn't even be walking in.

i decided i wouldn't even have so much a crumb. i just wanted to check the place out. just to take a look. so i went in. it was magical. the sweets seduced me. i gazed through the glass case and like a kid in a candy shop, i wanted it all. to smell, to look...just wasn't enough. i wanted a touch, i wanted a taste. i thought, i'll just buy a slice and have just a bite. but i knew, if i bought it, it'd end up with the whole pie on my plate. then, i'd have to go home and either not mention my slip-up (you know, lie) or fess up. because, we had a made a conscious decision and effort as a couple to abstain from sugar.

before i knew it, i was up in line. the cute girl behind the counter asked if there was anything i wanted. yes! chocolate, coconut, key lime, apple, cherry...i want them all! oh, and a scoop of vanilla ice cream, please. 

and just like that, i snapped back to reality and said, "no thanks, i'm happily married."

next time i wanna take care of my devilish desires and forbidden fantasies, i'll stick to food porn. it's guiltless and sugar-free!

you know what i mean...

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