my baby is beautiful! i love his so much. duh!
i look at him and tears stream down my face. it's so exhilarating and so terrifying all at the same. this itty bitty baby is all mine. i get to hug him and kiss him whenever i want. i am responsible for him. i have to protect him. i have to prepare him. one day, he will grow up, and i'll have wave goodbye. he'll go into world and do what ever he likes. until then, i get to hug him and kiss him whenever i want.
it's amazing how we, in an instant, switch to mom mode when that baby pops out. i should be collapsing from exhaustion. somehow, instinct kicks in and adrenaline keeps me going. i sleep when baby sleeps. he's, pretty much, in my arms all day.
he's eating about every 2 hours. that means, eating for 30 minutes and sleeping for 90 minutes. that's the cycle. because he eats so often, he sleeps in a bassinet next to my bed. i can easily reach over and pick him when he wakes.
we are both still getting used to breast feeding. my boobs are freakin' huge. it's so weird. as soon as i take off my nursing bra, they just leak. baby is learning to latch on. although it's a bit uncomfortable, i've made the commitment. i hope to breast feed for 1 year. so far, so good. 2 weeks down, 50 to go.
i won't say much about what's going on below. let's just say, i wasn't prepared for this. you hear the stories, but they just don't seem real. let me say, it's real! real painful, real gross, and real messy. i get anxiety when i think about walking down the stairs. sitting in a chair is not easy. getting into a car takes time. going to the bathroom is incredibly painful and entails a 7 step process. nothing can prepare for this, nothing.
LT has been amazing. he is so supportive. poor thing...he hasn't seen the girl he fell in love with for over 9 months. he's still hanging in there. my emotions are all over the place. one minute, i'm so elated to have my baby in my arms. another minute, i break down in tears because of the trauma my body has experienced and the aftermath. it's important to for me to communicate with him. he has no idea what's going on unless i tell him. he such a good listener. i have to be a good listener, as well. i have to remember, he had a baby too!
man, our lives are going to change so much. it's gonna be so awesome!
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